I don't want to write this. In fact, I've promised to write this for so many days in a row that the fact that I haven't yet & I'm getting disgusted with myself is one of the only reasons that I'm actually sitting and doing it.
If you look at me, I look healthy. I am, in fact, a very healthy-looking person. And I'm probably the healthiest sick person you know.
Someone said that to me the other day, and it stuck. Not in a disempowering way, but like - I could actually start to own and be responsible that I haven't been well.
When did it start?
Could it have been when I was training for marathons, while working 60-70 hours a week?
Could it have been when I was starting my business and ending my engagement, being broken-hearted and homeless for half a year?
Or maybe when I spent 2008 purposely overtraining and dieting, trying to attain the perfect figure competitor's body. Substituting massive amounts of coffee for the carbs I had cut out of my diet I'm sure was a contributing factor. Thank GOD I never got into energy drinks, I can't even imagine the damage that would have done.
In any case, there were a number of years where I took pride in not listening to my body. I called it being disciplined.
Here is the result of that:
I have adrenal fatigue. I have been dealing with various levels of chronic fatigue for the last couple of years. I have good days and not-so-good days, and I still manage to get done more than most people I know, but it's a huge effort. If I push myself too hard, I have a couple of really rough days afterwards. I have a really hard time waking up in the morning, and sometimes literally sleep through my alarms for hours.
I get sick rather easily. I used to NEVER get sick. Now I freak out when clients come in to the gym and have symptoms, because I know that my ability to fight off infection is not really strong.
I have multiple food sensitivities that result in systemic inflammation. Until removing gluten (and coffee, with some "relapses") from my diet last October, I used to wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING with my joints and muscles so stiff and sore that I couldn't close my hands all the way. I was terrified of being cold, because if I got too cold I would get so sore it would take me hours to recover. It's a LOT better now, but it still takes me longer than it should to recover from a weight workout, and so I don't lift weights a lot anymore.
Another thing that happened, that cutting out gluten & coffee has made a HUGE difference in, was that my menstrual cycle went totally crazy. When I was competing (in figure) I missed a couple periods, when I took my calories really low. I didn't think it was a big deal, happens to lots of female athletes. Then in 2009, I started having all kinds of issues. My cycle wasn't regular, and when I did bleed I would be curled up on the floor for the first 2 days writhing in pain, sobbing & wanting to die. That is not a dramatization.
I stopped participating in my life. I went to work, came home. Sometimes got it together for social gatherings.
I lied to my friends about my health, or didn't tell the whole truth, because I'm "supposed" to be the role model. I'm "supposed" to be the one who has it all together. People look to me to what to do to be healthy.
The lying carried over to other areas of my life & when my relationship started to deteriorate I didn't feel like I could talk about the problems that we were having, and so everyone was shocked when we finally broke up.
So - I'm good at making things look perfect on the outside. The problem with that is that I was miserable on the inside. The problem with that is that people do look to me for what to do to be healthy, and I've been lying.
One of the impacts of this that I saw recently is that when I have conversations with my clients about taking rest days, they don't take me seriously. I haven't told them the whole story.
I'm learning new things, like how to be gentle with myself. That it's ok to have more than 150 grams of carbs in one day. That resting does more for how I look and feel in my body than lifting right now. That I actually need to sleep more than 5 hours a night. That walking-as-exercise isn't for old people and wimps, that it can actually be quite delightful. That I CAN survive and actually feel amazing without my oldest (18 year!) addiction to coffee.
I'm also learning that doing activities to keep my body strong and healthy don't have to look like running a marathon, deadlifting my body weight 30 times, or maxing out on the bench press. It can look like playing on a rock wall or a trapeze, or hiking with a friend on a beautiful day. Or riding my bike to work. Thank GOD for yoga.
I'm learning that I don't have to prove anything. And that why people train with me and look to me for fitness advice is because I actually *am* a great coach, and not because I once leg pressed 500 pounds, or was a figure competitor.
It's because I'm trained to coach and listen in a very particular way, and it gives me insight into how each person can be healthier, not because there's some dogma or cookie cutter program that I'm selling. And I'm committed that my past experiences make a real difference for others. And I freaking love people and have dedicated my life to being of maximum usefulness to those around me. And I appreciate that about myself, finally.
This is just the beginning. I'm getting treated by one of the best holistic nutritionists & chiropractors in the Bay Area, and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But left to my own devices I'll do my version of the protocol I'm supposed to be following, and hide out and not tell anyone anything.
So I'm promising here to keep talking about it.
Even though I don't want to.
Because I am committed to living my life out loud.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Cooking for One - or, Adventure at the Meat Counter
So I'm at Whole Foods last night to pick up a piece of meat for my CrockPot. (I know). I notice this cute guy checking me out, standing at the meat counter. I get a little nervous, because I'm newly single and become suddenly aware that I'm looking kind of cute.
When the Meat Dude comes up to help me I ask for the organic chuck roast in front. He weighs it for me, and it's about three pounds. Okay, fine, three pounds. Cute Guy is still checking me out. I take my meat and sort of rush off to the produce section for something green.
Then I remember, I need canned tomatoes for the cioppino I want to make for Kim on Wednesday, so I pass the meat counter again on my way to the canned foods. Cute Guy is still standing there, now he's moved on to pork.
Now let's be clear: Cute Guy in Whole Foods is not necessarily amazing-looking, he's actually a little too short for me (shush, I know, double standard). However - he's A) obviously able to afford to shop at Whole Foods, B) actually SHOPPING at Whole Foods, and C) clearly NOT a vegetarian. Three Cute Points.
As I am navigating the 5 different types of organic canned tomatoes available to me (GOD I love Whole Foods), it occurs to me that three pounds is actually way too much meat. That would be perfect if I were sharing it with someone, but alas - it's just for me. And given how broke I am right now, I decide to march right up to the Meat Counter and ask Meat Dude to cut it in half. So I march my cute, single, liberated ass right up the the counter and Cute Guy is still standing there! (He obviously needs some help deciding what to make for dinner!) I am sure I'm blushing at this point as I ask to have the roast cut in half and he watches, bemused. I take the smaller half and high-tail it to the checkout line.
Guess I'm not ready for meeting guys in the grocery store yet.
This is probably among the least "fit" recipes I'll ever share here, but after all, single girls need comfort food too!
CrockPot Pot Roast for one (with enough leftovers to be satisfying, and not so much that they get dried out):
4 red skinned potatoes, quartered
1/2 a medium yellow onion, large dice
2 medium carrots, sliced
1/2 to 1 lb brussels sprouts, cleaned
1 1/2 lbs beef chuck roast (I always choose organic, free range, grass fed beef and the fattier the better for this cooking method)
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1 T black pepper
1 T coriander
1 tsp rosemary
pinch of saffron, ground
2 tsp salt, divided (I used a fancy-schmancy fennel-pollen infused sea salt)
Layer the bottom of the CrockPot with the potatoes and onions. Add the carrots and brussels sprouts.
Pour vinegar into the pot.
In a small bowl, mix the black pepper, coriander, rosemary, saffron and 1 tsp salt. Spread pepper mixture thinly over a dinner plate or cutting board (it helps if you're using a cutting board that has a drainage "moat"). Roll the beef in the pepper mixture to coat evenly. Place meat on top of vegetables.
I would recommend cooking this on low, for about 4-6 hours. If you need it sooner, you can cook it on high, and it will take 2-3 hours.
Finish with the rest of the salt and more pepper to taste.
Enjoy!
When the Meat Dude comes up to help me I ask for the organic chuck roast in front. He weighs it for me, and it's about three pounds. Okay, fine, three pounds. Cute Guy is still checking me out. I take my meat and sort of rush off to the produce section for something green.
Then I remember, I need canned tomatoes for the cioppino I want to make for Kim on Wednesday, so I pass the meat counter again on my way to the canned foods. Cute Guy is still standing there, now he's moved on to pork.
Now let's be clear: Cute Guy in Whole Foods is not necessarily amazing-looking, he's actually a little too short for me (shush, I know, double standard). However - he's A) obviously able to afford to shop at Whole Foods, B) actually SHOPPING at Whole Foods, and C) clearly NOT a vegetarian. Three Cute Points.
As I am navigating the 5 different types of organic canned tomatoes available to me (GOD I love Whole Foods), it occurs to me that three pounds is actually way too much meat. That would be perfect if I were sharing it with someone, but alas - it's just for me. And given how broke I am right now, I decide to march right up to the Meat Counter and ask Meat Dude to cut it in half. So I march my cute, single, liberated ass right up the the counter and Cute Guy is still standing there! (He obviously needs some help deciding what to make for dinner!) I am sure I'm blushing at this point as I ask to have the roast cut in half and he watches, bemused. I take the smaller half and high-tail it to the checkout line.
Guess I'm not ready for meeting guys in the grocery store yet.
This is probably among the least "fit" recipes I'll ever share here, but after all, single girls need comfort food too!
CrockPot Pot Roast for one (with enough leftovers to be satisfying, and not so much that they get dried out):
4 red skinned potatoes, quartered
1/2 a medium yellow onion, large dice
2 medium carrots, sliced
1/2 to 1 lb brussels sprouts, cleaned
1 1/2 lbs beef chuck roast (I always choose organic, free range, grass fed beef and the fattier the better for this cooking method)
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1 T black pepper
1 T coriander
1 tsp rosemary
pinch of saffron, ground
2 tsp salt, divided (I used a fancy-schmancy fennel-pollen infused sea salt)
Layer the bottom of the CrockPot with the potatoes and onions. Add the carrots and brussels sprouts.
Pour vinegar into the pot.
In a small bowl, mix the black pepper, coriander, rosemary, saffron and 1 tsp salt. Spread pepper mixture thinly over a dinner plate or cutting board (it helps if you're using a cutting board that has a drainage "moat"). Roll the beef in the pepper mixture to coat evenly. Place meat on top of vegetables.
I would recommend cooking this on low, for about 4-6 hours. If you need it sooner, you can cook it on high, and it will take 2-3 hours.
Finish with the rest of the salt and more pepper to taste.
Enjoy!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Madonna's thighs
I know you might think I'm crazy, but one of my goals in life is to have Madonna's thighs when I'm her age. Well, my 5'3" body's version of her thighs.
Madonna - in case you've been living under a rock since "Lucky Star" hit the airwaves - is, in recent years quite the yogini. She is also reported to drink about 2 liters of water a day. (Specially blessed Kabbalah water at that.)
While I don't think my water intake needs to be quite that enlightened, I am interested in looking to see what I can do (or not do) to meet this goal. It's super important to me to have these types of goals to focus on when it's 10:30 at night, I'm home & hungry and I have everything at home to make a gluten free apple pie - and the only person watching me is the cat.
So... what to eat? That is the question. Lots of people will tell you, don't eat after 8pm (or sometimes even earlier). That's great, in theory, and if you can do that successfully I applaud you. Because of my severe reactive hypoglycemia, I have to eat every few hours. I have been very successful with not eating COMPLEX CARBS after 8pm, unless for some reason I am working out that evening. On those days I just arrange to remove the carbs from an earlier meal to substitute. Tonight is not a workout night, it's a rest on my couch and chill out night. Shall I make popcorn, or shall I eat something that gets me closer to Madonna's thighs? (That didn't sound quite right, or did it...?)
Looking in the fridge I have hard- boiled eggs (wow, thinking ahead, amazing) and I think I'll go with that...
So I took 3 hard boiled eggs (removing 2 of the yolks) and added about 1 1/2 TBSP of mayo - Spectrum's flax oil mayo has been my favorite for years - a dash of paprika & a squirt of lemon juice. Cut 4 stalks of celery into dipping-sized sticks, and voila! Delicious healthy late night snack-arama!
Egg yolks, fyi, are one of the easiest ways to consume choline, which helps your body make the neurotransmitter acetylcholine: super important for cognition & learning.
Madonna - in case you've been living under a rock since "Lucky Star" hit the airwaves - is, in recent years quite the yogini. She is also reported to drink about 2 liters of water a day. (Specially blessed Kabbalah water at that.)
While I don't think my water intake needs to be quite that enlightened, I am interested in looking to see what I can do (or not do) to meet this goal. It's super important to me to have these types of goals to focus on when it's 10:30 at night, I'm home & hungry and I have everything at home to make a gluten free apple pie - and the only person watching me is the cat.
So... what to eat? That is the question. Lots of people will tell you, don't eat after 8pm (or sometimes even earlier). That's great, in theory, and if you can do that successfully I applaud you. Because of my severe reactive hypoglycemia, I have to eat every few hours. I have been very successful with not eating COMPLEX CARBS after 8pm, unless for some reason I am working out that evening. On those days I just arrange to remove the carbs from an earlier meal to substitute. Tonight is not a workout night, it's a rest on my couch and chill out night. Shall I make popcorn, or shall I eat something that gets me closer to Madonna's thighs? (That didn't sound quite right, or did it...?)
Looking in the fridge I have hard- boiled eggs (wow, thinking ahead, amazing) and I think I'll go with that...
So I took 3 hard boiled eggs (removing 2 of the yolks) and added about 1 1/2 TBSP of mayo - Spectrum's flax oil mayo has been my favorite for years - a dash of paprika & a squirt of lemon juice. Cut 4 stalks of celery into dipping-sized sticks, and voila! Delicious healthy late night snack-arama!
Egg yolks, fyi, are one of the easiest ways to consume choline, which helps your body make the neurotransmitter acetylcholine: super important for cognition & learning.
Blog Numbah One
Welcome! This will be my site for sharing recipes, food and nutrition information and general STUFF about one of my FAVORITE topics - FOOD! Subscribe to keep up to date!
Namaste,
Michelle
Namaste,
Michelle
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